Category: Hosting Notes

Hosting Notes

Bridal etiquette 101

by s.a.b1 Comment on Bridal etiquette 101

If it had not been for the pesky CoVid-19 interruption, bridal seasson 2020 would be about to hit full swing, at least in the Northern Hemisphere… Instead, hundreds of people are cancelling, postponing, or having Zoom weddings (this one really does leave me baffled, but hey, modern times). That said, for anyone who is still planning their big day, may I give you a few tips to help you along? After all there are a very little things I like more than voicing my opinion, so indulge me. Also, I don’t know about you all but no matter how many bridal blogs or magazines you read, my personal experience is that you’ll only get more confused, so it’s nice to have a checklist.

I got married a long time ago… in another era almost, and planned the whole event, to take place in Marrakech, all the way from London… Being quite particular about what I like (some call it difficult), I refused all kinds of planner intervention and worked at it all myself, with the help of my two loyal and ever so patient assistants, a.k.a my parents. We did everything, from researching the venues to tasting the food to finding an oriental script font for the table plan, and of course arranging for a special discount at one of the larger hotels in town (the least you can do if you’re going to have a destination wedding), organising minibuses to run throughout the night to take people back after the party. It was a wonderful week-end, but a lot of hard work, I’ll admit, so here is what I learned over that slightly traumatic experience and being a guest to many weddings before and after…

Tip One – This is not the time for last minute

Most times, people end up having to book up a whole week-end for a wedding,, so give plenty of notice, especially if you are asking people to travel far. The bare minimum should be three months. Also, don’t make two guest lists: nobody will believe that you just decided to get married two weeks ago, and still managed to secure one of Summer’s most sought-after Saturdays at the Central Park Boat House; you’ll just offend the friends who, in reality, didn’t make your first guest list and were only invited because others declined. If there is travel involved, make people’s lives easier by sending a leaflet with the invite detailing travel and hotel options, and visa requirements if any! Alternatively, a website is a great way to put everything in one easy-to-access place. The more information you give guests ahead of time, the less calls you’ll get when you’re trying to get your hair and make-up done on the big day (trust me: people will call you, the bride, on your mobile to ask directions, this isn’t a figure of speech.)

Tip Two – Nor is this the time to experiment

Ok, you’ve sent the invites, now is the time to turn your attention to a key part of the day. The party? No, silly, your outfit. Or, in my case, outfits: in Morocco it’s not uncommon for a bride to change seven times during her wedding day, so by changing “only” three times I was quite the small time player. Anyways, on the dress… Unless you’re going for traditional dress (cue me and my caftans), my advice is stick to what looks good on you, and a style that is close to what you like wearing to events. Why? Because noone wants to look at wedding pictures thinking “What was I thinking?” Bottom line, choose a shape you’re used to, and if you really want something extraordinary, go crazy on the material, embellishments…

Tip Three – Your perfect wedding lives only in your head

Most brides have a very defined image of their ideal wedding, be it a 18th century extravaganza complete with a Schönbrunn-worthy ballroom, everyone wearing Venetian masks, or a perfect beach wedding, the whole party dressed shades of wheat linen, dancing barefoot by the turquoise sea… It’s wonderful to have an idea of your perfect wedding, but remember reality gets in the way and ultimately the key is everyone is here to have a good time and celebrate your decision to pair up for life (or a little shorter, time will tell…), not to act as extras in the most Insta-worthy movie of your special day. The most important thing you’ll take from your wedding is the the happy memories you’ll have from this day. I don’t have many beautiful pictures of my day and it’s a big regret I have (read on to understand why) but we had a wonderful week-end, from the henna evening to the night at Pacha to the day itself and the Sunday brunch to finish it all off. Also, let’s touch on a sensitive subject: children… Many young couples would rather not have little monsters around, but trust me you’ll be making the lives of your guests who are parents extra hard, instead how about hiring a few local girls to babysit the children in a secluded part of your venue, complete with tots favourite foods and a few Disney movies?

Tip Four – When in doubt, make it personal

If you want a special do, don’t focus on what your friends did and how your day will have a hot air balloon, or fireworks, or a troupe of pigmey pigs to bring the rings to the altar, or whatever the trend du jour happens to be… instead focus on making your wedding personal. Two reasons. One, this is the most personal event you will ever throw so making it unique and a reflection of your relationship is key for your own memories of the day. Two, it’s likely your guests will have been to numerous weddings before so the special touches are what will make yours stand out in their memories. An example: I find the ubiquitous photo slideshow of the bride and groom a bit tacky and boring especially as it interrupts the flow of dinner conversation, so for ours I decided to make massive collages of pictures of Hubby Dearest at all ages for the doors of men toilets, whilst on the ladies doors we put collages of photos of me: it helped people see where to go and then laugh to their heart’s content at the grunge boho look I loved during my teenage years.

Tip Five – You want to look your best, not your faintest

Remember that line from the Devil Wears Prada: “I don’t eat at all, and when I feel I’m about to faint, I eat a small bit of cheese”… That is not how your pre-wedding diet should go. In fact, pre-wedding dieting should not be on, but I am all for a little detox or diet if you feel sluggish, as long as we keep everything in moderation. Extreme dieting prior to your wedding will leave you dehydrated, your skin will be sallow and you’ll feel faint by the time you want to exchange your vows (not just because of nerves and the thought that, after all, you’re not so sure you want to spend your life with this person, you can’t even agree on your favourite Impressionist). Not a good look… Instead, try switching to healthier snack and meal choices in the run-up and remember nothing will give you sculpted arms like daily reverse curls or a sleeved dress.

Tip Six – You also want to look yourself

On the topic of appearance, I have one major regret: I wish I had not given in to the pressure to use a make-up artist, or at least not one I had never used before, as I ended up far too heavily made up for my taste (think stolen truck paintwork, with three very defined colours on my lids, the wrong shade of lipstick…) I should have also insisted on a low bun, rather than give in to the elaborate up-do I ended up with: the hairdresser insisted it would showcase the diamond tiara better, and it did, but I ended up feeling like a character in some oriental version of Santa Barbara (the soap opera, not the town). Resisting all this means having a clear image of what looks good on you, something some of us don’t have in our twenties, and a good dose of character to tell your mother, godmother, aunt, whatever, nicely but firmly that you prefer your lids nude with a thin smudged liner. Instead, I ended up with hundred of pictures where I can barely recognise myself (and my daughter was looking at them the other day going “Mama, who is this lady”… point in case).

Tip Seven – Be a good host(ess)

Let me tell you a little story: I once attended a wedding where, once people arrived at the party venue, they found the doors to the inside buffet rooms closed and were asked to wait outside in the chilly Autumn weather whilst the photographer was taking endless photos of the happy couple, for about an hour… Not even champagne was served. This, to me, is the worst faux-pas you can make when you invite people, no matter what the occasion. Feeding guests regularly (eg. nibbles during cocktail hour, then dinner, then dessert, and finally a snack in the middle of the night, that’s basic) and ensuring they have a drink they enjoy at all times is absolutely key. Also, think a little bit about your seating plans, you want your guests to enjoy the conversation: mixing people who have nothing in common will be a disaster, and forget about making a singles table, that’s just awkward for everyone.

Tip Eight – Nail that registry

Your registry should also reflect who you are, so if you have no interest in formal dinnerware yet have a passion for first editions. I still believe that a beautiful china set, some crystal champagne glasses, books, and good wine are the best gifts for newly-weds, even when people have been living together a while. In addition, giving people the option to give to charity is a very good way to give back, but I am never too keen when people ask you to wire them hard cash, it’s so cold and transactional… Just remember to give options that are in line with the spending power of your guests, and take into account how far they have travelled to be with you… Also, if you think someone is being really stingy, you just have to hope you’ll make their wedding guest list so you can reciprocate in kind!

Tip Nine – Enjoy your own party

By the time our wedding started, I was slightly extenuated from all the last minute set-up and was more ready for a long nap than all-night dancing, but I did stay on the dance floor past three in the morning and I had a blast. That’s the time when a bride gets to let go (within limits ladies, a Grease inspired routine with your girlfriends is fun, but flashing your garter to everyone? Tacky…) and enjoys partying with her friends and brand-new hubby.

Tip Ten – Enjoy each other’s company

Of course you’re having fun with all your guests, some you won’t have seen for a while before your wedding, and you’re trying to ensure things run smoothly, and Uncle Tipsy has enough but not too much champagne… Throughout the day though, it’s important you take some time to spend minutes together as a couple, a dance or two, a little moment around a glass of champagne, a smile across the room when you’re admiring one of your relatives’ other-wordly dance moves… Enjoy this special day. 

It’s been a few years since I’ve been spared a 12-hour flight to go to a wedding, most of my friends are now happily paired, but I do sometimes miss it… Weddings are very special moments and meant to bring joy to many, and I hope we are all out of lockdown very soon so all these on-hold weddings can take place.

With love, S.

Hosting Notes

Life is a party

by s.a.bLeave a Comment on Life is a party

One of the thing I miss the most during this pandemic lockdown is hosting… I love having friends over and my sole purpose in life when I have an upcoming party is to ensure people have a fabulous time. And usually, March and April are quite busy party months in our family, between holidays, birthdays, and champagne brunches just because… But, one has to do what one has to do, no big parties for a little while, until this pandemic slows down and we are all, hopefully, allowed back to our lives and our loved ones. Meanwhile, I am still able to share my favourite hostess tips, right?

We all know that throwing a wonderful party, or even just a lovely dinner, is mainly about the guests. Ensuring they are comfortable in your home, having a good time and all. As a Mediterranean, my first interpretation of this is: people need to be able to eat enough to be able to sustain a month-long desert crossing without any food or drink. I have toned this down a bit over the years, seeing as we were constantly left with a fridge full of leftovers, but the habit remains: if you come to our home for a meal, bring a serious appetite, in fact the best approach is to fast for one full day before, just to be sure. What else is important? Let’s see: will guests who are meeting for the first time get along, have I cooked these dishes for them before, do they eat everything or are they a little picky, are there guests who don’t drink, do I have my friends’ favourite drinks, do they like chocolatey desserts or fruity ones, so on and so forth…

Next, planning. The bigger the do the longer you need to plan ahead, especially if you do have an everyday job. Typically I will plan a meal, anything from four people to twenty-five, three to five days in advance (in Johannesburg you sometimes have to go around a few shops to find all the groceries you need, because the stock levels for special ingredients such as quails or tahini can vary, so I make a list on Monday and Hubby Dearest and I go on a hunting party during the week), a party for the children’s birthdays takes a good four weeks (and you have to make sure you send those invites on time to secure that one week-end afternoon you want!), and our end of year holiday drinks is something I start thinking about in October.

I usually choose one theme from the tableware to the food, and when we’re having big parties I go all out with branches of finbos hanging from the ceiling or mini potted lemon trees. I love Mediterranean and Eastern European inspired food, and spend a lot of time peering down books by my favourites, Yotam Ottolenghi and Ina Garten, although I have had a River Cafe book for over ten years that always yields the most delicious food. I know there is a rule book somewhere that says don’t try new recipes for a party, I say where’s the fun in life if you’re not a little adventurous, plus there is always the nearest pizza joint if it’s a real disaster. But again, make sure you plan, plan, and plan some more. If you can make anything ahead of time, do: pastry bases for quiches are super easy to make, you can store them in the fridge until next morning and bake them on the day, also you can freeze mini canapes for when you need them. Whatever happens, when you’re hosting, cook up a storm if you enjoy it, or order in if it’s your thing. Someone once tried to explain to me how important it was for a good hostess to have a great catering company on hand, so she doesn’t disturb her hosting with menial kitchen tasks, … I am still trying to understand what wrongful impression I gave this lady that she thought to share this meshuga advice with me as if I was ever going to follow it. I like to cook, the more the better, period.

On the day of the party, I spend a lot of time setting up the table, or the decor if it’s a bigger thing. I love flowers that match the theme, glasses that go together but are not from the same set, and nothing sings to me as much as a gorgeous table lay, which is quite funny considering my mother had the same passion when I was growing up, and I used to sneer at how much effort she put into her tables and dinners… Full circle, I guess. In South Africa I have found a few brands that I love buying tablecloths from, such as Samesyn, Isobel Sippel, and I now buy fabric by the bulk to have our local tailor make into tablecloths. I also enjoy visiting antique shops for delft plates and old crystal glasses, however I can’t wait to go to London and visit the shop of The Edition 94, its Insta feed is so incredibly dreamy.

So, food is ready, the house looks amazing, sparkling and fabulous but not intimidating (we do not own any white sofas or Spanish inquisition style heavy dining chairs… and our kids and their toys own half of the kitchen – family room), time to relax, have a glass of bubbly, put on some make-up, although if your coq-au-vin is almost ready it’s best to stay with an eye on it than go apply lippy, you can always fix your face during aperitif, but you won’t be able to fix a burnt sauce.

When people arrive, make sure everyone gets a glass of something they love; this is Hubby’s job at this point, although by now he has also helped clear out the multiple layers of mess I’ve created in the kitchen by making what he believes is a stupid number of recipes, and he is not too impressed that yet again I’ve cooked for twice as many people as we’ve invited. The guests are here, time to relax, have fun, chat around the kitchen island, let your friends help put the finishing touches to the food, and enjoy yourself. I know that, after this unique Black Mirror worthy first season of 2020, we will all be extra thankful for those times of togetherness, when we can hug our friends, feed them, and cheer to their health and success.

Love, S.